3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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