You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
