I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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