There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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