zippers are such a cool invention
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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