Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
