Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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