Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
