awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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