absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
