You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
