I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
