batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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