This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
