Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
