How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
