Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
