i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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