I'm so fucking centered right now
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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