I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Randomize
