I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He has the fingertips of a God
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