tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
