Moan for me like Helen Keller
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
