feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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