you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
