She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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