My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
