We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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