I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
