"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
