you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
