11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
