your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
