Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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