what if every blade of grass was a penis?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
