In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
