He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
