She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
