I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
sex in a hospital.. check
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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