I didn't shave. On purpose
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
