he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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