Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
