Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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