my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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