so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
