I just made out with a guy for $7.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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