So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
