just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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