i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
