It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
