I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
