You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
